ASK AMY: Estranged dad is now angling for an intro

Pricey Amy: My estranged father, who lives a whole bunch of miles away, has been out and in of my life for many of my life.

My mom detests him, for excellent cause. They’ve a horrible previous.


He has made some effort — not nice, however some — to be extra concerned in my life since I used to be 19 years outdated.

I’m now 37, married, and with three kiddos of my very own.

I discuss to my father two or 3 times a 12 months on the telephone. Actually, it’s simply small discuss, however the onerous half is that now he desires to fulfill my youngsters.


I’m not attempting to harm him and positively by no means need to harm my mom, who raised me.

I really feel I’m speculated to hate him for a way crappy he was to me and my mom, however it’s simply not in me to be that method.

My mom and stepfather, who raised me, can be so harm if I allowed him to fulfill my household.


The truth is that my youngsters don’t even know who he’s. They don’t know that he exists.

I’m additionally not even offered on the concept that he ought to be capable of meet my youngsters.

Is it well worth the threat of injuring my great mother and stepdad, or ought to I simply inform him it isn’t in playing cards.


If that’s the case, how do I say one thing like this?

— Damaged Residence Woes

Pricey Damaged Residence: Anybody can ask you for something. However your father’s request doesn’t necessitate that you simply grant his want.


You could possibly say to him, “Umm, Dad, truthfully, I’m not able to open up my household to you. I’ll let you understand if I modify my thoughts, however for now — no.”

Do your mom and stepfather know that you’re in contact with him? Being clear about this would possibly assist you all to get on the identical web page. Inform them, “You two raised me. You’re my youngsters’ grandparents. You’re my household. However dad calls me two or 3 times a 12 months, and I need you to know that he has been in contact. I fear that you’ll assume I’m being disloyal by being in contact, however that’s not my intention.”

You aren’t “supposed” to hate your father — or anybody. In case your mom and stepfather indicate or impose this requirement, then they don’t seem to be parenting you nicely.


You ARE speculated to be loyal and protecting towards your mom and stepfather, and your personal youngsters. Having a hard, crappy or poisonous father dancing on the wing signifies that you’ll sometimes should make some robust decisions. When your youngsters are older, you must inform your personal childhood story. They are going to be taught that almost all households are difficult, and that you’ll at all times lean towards the individuals who love you the very best.

Pricey Amy: Late winter ushers within the main cat breeding season, which can trigger shelters and rescue teams to be slammed with an avalanche of undesirable kittens in just a few months. The canine overpopulation in southern states continues to be uncontrolled.

Shelters and rescues within the South work onerous to advertise pet adoption transports (primarily open for canines solely) to states the place they’ve a greater deal with on the canine overpopulation, and these teams fund an rising variety of low-cost spay/neuter clinics. Thousands and thousands of are being spent on these efforts, together with an enormous period of time donated by volunteers.


However pet overpopulation continues as a result of the variety of undesirable pets being born shouldn’t be managed by shelters, rescues, their volunteers and donors — however somewhat by irresponsible pet house owners, who enable their pets to breed undesirable litters.

These irresponsible individuals assist to create the resultant tragedy of too many pets, and too few properties.

I hope you’ll use your platform to remind animal lovers to spay/neuter their four-legged relations.


— Oklahoma Animal Advocate

Pricey Advocate: I’m glad that can assist you unfold the phrase in regards to the significance of spay/neutering the animals in our households.

Pricey Amy: “It’s My Life” was a 15-year-old woman embroiled in a custody dispute between her dad and mom. She needed to change main custody from her mom to her father. I appreciated your nuanced response to her.


After I was her age, I selected to make the identical alternative. My mom let me go stay with my dad. Inside six months, I had bounced again.

— Older and Wiser

Pricey Wiser: Expertise is usually the very best trainer.